A Dose of Honesty #1

Lyme can break your heart.

 

As I sit here at my computer today, I’m not sure what I want to say, other than this isn’t a situation I would wish on anyone. Dealing with Lyme Disease requires so much time, money, energy, commitment, and sacrifice… it’s one thing to get a cold that lasts for a few weeks and overturns your schedule. It’s a whole other ball of wax to have to build your entire life schedule around a disease that sometimes feels like has no end in sight.

I try really REALLY HARD to focus on the good stuff. 

But on days like today, I feel a bit more realistic (and frustrated) about the hard work involved.

It was tough enough when it was just one person in the house with Lyme. Because Amy (our oldest daughter) was so sick in the beginning, and of course I had no clue what we were really dealing with, being new to Lyme Disease, I completely devoted my world to making hers better. It’s a decision I don’t regret, especially because she has made such amazing progress over the last year since she started getting sick. We have witnessed first hand that things get better.

But there were so many hard nights. So many days heavy with work.

Now that the house is dealing with Lyme on a 4/5ths ratio, it feels the work load has hit an unmanageable level. Matt (the hubs) has stepped up and taken on so much extra stuff, which is the saving grace of this household, and also why we all have clean socks and underwear everyday.

But during the day, when he’s not here, I have to push and fight myself to get crap done. Yesterday was meds day. Once a week I get every single pill and tincture measured out and coded by name for the coming 7 days. There’s an involved sticker cup and lid system (because stickers make everything more fun)  that everyone follows, which we have done since the beginning of this mess. The entire process takes me about 2 hours from start to finish. Because it’s specific doses and med combinations that are individualized, and everyone has different thresholds and places in their recovery, myself included. It’s so much to keep straight! When it was one person for a while, I was able to get it done for 30 days ahead. When it was just the girls, I did it for 15 days in advance.

BUT 4 FREAKING PEOPLE?

One week. That’s all I can muster. Not to mention the “med station” section of my counter can’t hold much more than that.

So there I was yesterday afternoon, sitting on my stool in the kitchen, measuring out our particular doses, filling pill cases, when the girls came in and sat in the dining room. They started chit chatting, and I was listening but trying really hard to focus on the task at hand.

That’s when the girls started talking about the person they think the other would end up with in future relationships. There were stories about what they would do, what that person might look like, and even talk of potential things they would fight about. And of course the pets they would own together. But you know what?

NO ONE EVER SAID A SINGLE WORD ABOUT LYME BEING IN THEIR FUTURE.

And that broke my heart, but in the most wonderful way.

All the hard work, all the meds, all the sleepless nights, all vegetables and whole foods I’ve cooked- every single sacrifice we’ve made in the past was so that these gorgeous teenagers can focus on a future where this flipping disease has no foothold in them. 

There’s a huge correlation with having a positive attitude and healing your body. When you wallow in pity, chances are you will increase your recovery time dramatically. But when you look at your actions as empowering yourself to beat Lyme, well… that tips the scales in your favor.

Somehow, we’ve managed to empower these kids. But it felt easy, because parents WANT to give their kids the best chances for success. Yet to be frank, I’ve been letting myself wallow since my diagnosis. Probably because treatment makes you feel like a walking pile of crap. And I’ve got to lift myself out of the pity poo and get myself on track to be well.

When it comes to myself and Lyme, I need to empower myself. Instead of looking at all the work I need to accomplish, I need to think of it as a challenge to beat. Every time I am still able to pry my butt out of bed and cook lunch- I AM WINNING AGAINST LYME. Every grocery trip I make to buy 8 million more avocados but by golly I am doing it (even if I am limping or walking at a snail’s pace)- I AM WINNING AGAINST LYME.

It’s taken me a little longer to figure it out than I had hoped, but I think the determined side of me has woken up after a long nap. I’m ready to fight back. I’m ready to push my body and my mind to a brighter future for myself that doesn’t include lyme and feeling like hell all the time.

And all I had to do was look at the example set by my girls to see it.

That’s one dose of medicine I am more than happy to swallow.